Alexander Nevsky: "See this arm? If only it helped control impulses to make stupid movies, I'd be golden."
The Hollywood Reporter tells us that no one has learned their lesson about making an ass out of Hercules. Zeus was apparently unavailable for comment, as he tended to things on Olympus not relating to stupidity and Hollywood. One source, however, has quoted him as saying, off the cuff, “Ungrateful bastards. If this isn’t proof that those Latter Day Saints are out to get us, what is?”
“Russian action star-producer Alexander Nevsky is laboring to launch ‘Hercules: The Beginning.’ Nevsky’s Hollywood Storm will produce the feature on a $12 million budget.”
We hope, for Nevsky’s sake, this isn’t a natural childbirth. One needs drugs to birth this sort of disaster.
“Nevsky is a bodybuilder, author and movie star in his native Russia [...]”
Which, really, shows how right he is to produce this film. Yes, clearly.
Wonder what ‘the beginning’ will be? “Behold, my son, Heracles: I have created ‘roids. Go forth and rage and you shall be known henceforth as Hercules. Yet there is a cost, my son. Hollywood shall make you an ass at every turn. But with that physique, thou shalt pick up many hot women.”
Alexander Nevsky to play ‘Hercules’ at The Hollywood Reporter »
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