Our New Loverly Site! Hot Damn!

Man, we’re going crazy with the add ons, updates, new features, better layout, better looks. We’ve bought the domain name and have garnered the coveted services of one MediaTemple. We are stoked. Here’s hoping you are, too!

Check us out at http://heymedia.org. Bookmark the new site and be sure not to comment here anymore. All the content from here has been fully migrated and we hope the transition is as seamless as changing your book marks.

Pardon the dust, as we’re adding on, taking away from and snazzing up the new digs even as I type this.

Let’s go visit!

OMFG more Twilight shit!

Catherine Hardwicke, the director of the screen version of Twilight, based on the best selling book series written by Stephenie Meyer, has announced that she’ll be releasing her own “Twilight Director’s Notebook.”  I’m Sure this thing will be chock full of secrets and inside information that only someone as special as the director could know.  According to MTV Movies Blog:

the book will contact “inside secrets on casting, location scouting and wardrobe to storyboard sketches, behind-the-scenes photographs, personal notes about Catherine’s favorite scenes and much more.”

I can imagine page one reading something like this, “we had to get a bunch of pretty looking young people to play as vampire teens.  I told our casting director to go find some pretty looking young people with fair complexions. R0x0rs!!”  Or perhaps insightful information like, “today we made a sign that said ‘Welcome to Forks, Washington’ or some shit.”  Also, I’m sure you’ll find plenty of personal notes like, “this movie is gonna stink to high heaven but it’s Twilight and everyone’s gonna see it anyway.  I’m gonna be rich OMFG!!11″  Then of course her favorite scene, “I luv the part when they’re playin’ baseball and the bad vampires come and smell Bella and they all start lookin’ like they’re gonna attack.  It was just like West Side Story!! OMG I luv that!”

Ms. Hardwicke, I have to give it to you.  I mean, why not capitalize on a young fan base willing to gobble up and pay top dollar for anything that says Twilight on it?  Who can blame you for putting together a notebook full of your pointless insight into visualizing teen angst vampirism into a mediocre gothic-wannabe film?  I’m sure you’ll include a pic in your bio with a t-shirt that says “I heart Edward Cullen.”  OMFG I can’t wait for this book!!!

Gaeta, You Godsdamn Frakker!

Felix Gaeta, you muthafrakkin’ idiot. That’s how I have to start. Not because I don’t understand what you’re doing and why you’re doing it but because you’re a godsdamn idiot and I hate how you’re doing it.

This past episode takes us back to the writing of the days when we began to see the Cylons as individuals, not as numbers, and the debate about how to think of them began in my family. My husband was firmly on the human side and is still ready to blast some Toasters. I was wavering because of the Sharon and how much she wanted to honor her implanted human memories and her love for Helo. I mean, when, as we cheer for the humans on New Caprica and we also have to deal with a suicide bombing… looking at our own reality through a fictional lens is the thing that makes the writing for BSG so good.

For a few episodes, the thing that makes BSG what it is has been missing. I mean, the first episode after the midseason break was gripping, but the “everyday” feel of the second episode was a little bit disappointing. However, the reason for that second episode became apparent as all the planning, the little things that seemed to fill the previous episode come together and you see that the inertia was all leading to this episode.

When you realize just how many people were on Gaeta’s side, when you realize just how much he relied on the trust that the Admiral placed in him, when you realize how the familial rifts still exist even after so much has gone on – honestly, I could feel my insides twist as, once again, the tables are turned on humanity, but this time by humanity. However, the thing that the “new resistance” (and honestly I) underestimated was Admiral Adama. The scene where he handles the marines made me want to cheer for the first time in a long time. This is humanity on the cusp, just as they were when we first meet them.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand why Gaeta protests. The only reason the Galactica survives the annihilation that was the Cylons is because they were not connected. Yes, they were old fashioned. Yes, they were being turned into a museum. Yes, they were kind of a laughing stock. But the lack of technology was what saved them and now, not only did they want to get some of that technology, but they also wanted to get technology that the enemy Cylons could infiltrate. I am one to forgive, although I guess if I lost people on Caprica, I would be against using Cylon technology, too. In the end, I would care that the human race continued. Humanity had already proved that we could take on the Cylons since they got rid of the Resurrection Ship, so being able to move faster, even with Cavil on my ass, would have been my number one priority.

It was good to see Laura Roslyn in the wig, which means she was in full presidential mode. Her speech, using Baltar’s shortwave radio signal, was very smart. It’s good to see Baltar hasn’t changed, even though he “got” religion. I was sort of afraid he’d started to believe he had a true breakthrough. Yes, Baltar wanted out for his own selfish reasons and Roslyn wanted out so that Adama could do his thing, but the ending (or the midpoint since it was a “to be continued”) left me on the edge of my seat. It was nice to see Gaeta begin to sweat a little and can I say, “Brava!” to Chief for working instantly for Adama and Roslyn? And I hope Helo gets to kick some ass. Damnit, Gaeta! What the hell is up with you?

This episode was exciting. It was nailbiting. It was infuriating. It was excellent. If the rest of the season pulls together like this episode pulled from the two previous episodes, not only will this be the best season of Battlestar Galactica, it may be in the running for best show. Period.

Because security guards can be dangerous

So last night, since I couldn’t watch the Super Bowl (thanks Dish Network for not carrying my local NBC affiliate…bastards), I went through my Netflix Watch Instantly queue and added P2. I thought, you know what, why not a bad horror movie to celebrate not being able to see the big game? So, I cranked up the Roku player, popped some popcorn, and prepared myself for a cheesy gore-fest. Fortunately, that’s not what P2 turned out to be at all.

First off, let me give you some insight into what I like in a horror film. I like atmospheric and suspenseful plots with just the right amount of gore thrown in to make you know that the threat is real enough to harm the protagonist but not so much gore that it becomes a B move campfest. I’m particularly fond of horror movies that include plausible scenarios. That’s why I enjoyed The Strangers so much because, as crazy as it was, something like that could plausibly happen. I got the same thing from P2. I’m a fan of the monsters, demons, and other horror staples as well, don’t get me wrong, but “plausible horror” is the best kind in my eyes.

Now, let me give you some brief insight into what I don’t like about a horror film: cheesy Asian re-makes, a “hot chick” in the lead role for the sake of having a “hot chick” in the lead role, spirits somehow using technology to attack people (Pulse, Feardotcom, One Missed Call…I’m looking at you), and finally, the one thing above all others that will turn me off from a horror movie faster than a Vegas strip club full of bearded midgets, the dreaded PG-13 rating. If your horror film is rated PG-13, then chances are it’s not really going to be a horror movie at all. Okay, so now that that’s out of the way, on to the review.

First of all, I’m not a huge Alexandre Aja fan. I thought The Hills Have Eyes remake was fairly mediocre and Mirrors was just Jack Bauer fighting evil spirits trapped in mirrors making people rip their jaws off. So, again, I had pretty low expectations going into P2. The good news is that Aja only wrote the screenplay and produced this film. Directing credits went to Franck Khalfoun.

The film opens up on Christmas Eve in a Manhattan high-rise with the lead character, Angela (Rachel Nichols), working late doing whatever important people in big buildings do in New York. In the opening, we see a man come into her office to apologize for his inappropriate behavior earlier at a company Christmas party. Then we start seeing everyone in the building leaving to spend Christmas with their loved ones. Angela is trying to get to a family gathering at her sister’s house, but she’s running late. Eventually, after the building is pretty much empty, she leaves…or tries to anyway.

Angela goes to her car, which is the lone car left on the parking deck (P2 of course), and discovers that her car won’t start. Enter our friendly security guard, Tom (Wes Bentley). At first Tom feigns rendering assistance to Angela. Then, after missing her cab, the fun really begins. Tom eventually kidnaps Angela and puts her through a night of living hell in an inescapable parking garage.

All in all, the film was well made and creepy enough. While there was some gore, it didn’t steal the show like you would expect from Aja. No, this was not his usual torture porn variety horror movie. I presume this may have been more due to budget constraints than anything, but nonetheless it’s not overburdened by cheapened gore effects for “shock” value. There’s a scene in which Tom exacts vengeance on the dude who got out of hand with Angela at the Christmas party. That entire sequence is pretty brutal but it gives credibility to the fact that the villain is indeed dangerous and insane.

Tom, for his part as a villain, is quite simply obsessed with Angela. The film alludes to the fact that he’s been essentially stalking her for quite a while. He seems to know things about her that he shouldn’t, such as her family member’s names and such. What I liked about this, was the fact that it didn’t really bother explaining why or how he got the information. He’s just presented as a crazy lunatic stalker and that this night has been coming for him for a long, long time. Initially Tom was presented as an overly friendly, yet slightly creepy security guard trying to assist Angela with her car dilemma. Of course, you can infer that he set the entire thing up. His end goal is not to kill Angela but rather somehow force her to love him. Fearing for her life, she tries everything in her power to escape him.

No one can say that this film is ground breaking or never been done before. In fact, it’s been done a hundred times before, but it works, mainly because of Wes Bentley’s acting as Tom. He portrays the character quite convincingly. Rachel Nichols does an alright job as Angela attempting to escape but she does little to draw empathy from the audience as she’s essentially portrayed throughout the film as a royal bitch. I thought it was interesting that Aja took this turn with the protagonist. Sure, you feel for her situation as she’s being stalked by a madman but in the beginning of the film, she’s not necessarily the type of person that would tug at your heartstrings.

Finally, the ending is pretty routine fare. What you’d come to expect from a standard horror film. In fact, the climax of the film was pretty cheesy. Still, the film was good enough as a whole to carry this kind of ending.

Overall, I’d say that P2 is a pretty decent horror film. The fact that Angela is trapped in the parking garage with Tom all night on Christmas Eve lends credence to the “plausible scenario.” Angela never really does the kind of thing you see in horror films that makes you throw your hands in air whilst yelling “no don’t do that” at the screen. It’s creepy and atmospheric with just the right amount of gore thrown in so you know it’s still a horror film. If you have Netflix’s Watch Instantly on your plan or you’re looking for a decent horror film at the video store, give P2 a shot. It wasn’t great, but it certainly isn’t the worst horror movie you could watch.

Are You Ready For Some Foootballlll...Commercials?

When you could give a damn about the game… (what? the Falcons didn’t make it? what? favre or a manning did not make it? what? brady had an infection?) watch the commercials.

The game started off better than the commercials. The touchdown being taken away (his knee was down, the ball had not crossed the line). The commercials didn’t get too interesting until Conan O’Brien’s Bud Light commercial, which had him doing this weird Swedish commercial that ended up being played in the US, much to Conan’s consternation.

I was pretty excited to see what looks like Lost’s Anna Lucia in the Fast and Furious trailer. I am unsure if I am excited to see Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.

So far, the commercials are not looking good. The game is far outshining the commercials this year. Can it be that the game will be exciting?

Did anyone else catch that Cromartie is playing in the Super Bowl for the Cardinals? Sarah Connor Chronicle fans, take notice.

Ahhh, Cardinals didn’t make it to the end zone so they have to punt, but the E*Trade commercial was pretty funny.

You go Cheetos. I’m buying some of you tonight. Pigeons indeed.

Getting 3-D glasses ready after that awesome (but sucks for me) play. And the verdict? 3-D commercials sucked.

Yes, I’m excited about Race to Witch Mountain. I enjoy revisiting nostalgia.

What a great game! Even though I didn’t care who won, I was the sole Cardinals rooter in our party and I have to say, I had a lot of fun. I’m sorry the commercials didn’t live up to it, but maybe football is trying to get it’s swagger back.

Chime in with what you think. Leave links to your review of the game or commercials, because I want to see it from your eyes too.

If you want to watch any of the the superbowl commercials, go to hulu.com or nbc.com.

But then, well, there’s this (images below the cut):

What. The. Fuck?

The more I see from this film, the more I come to believe Moore is right. I could be completely wrong. Perhaps this will turn out to be (at least partially) the groundbreaking superhero film that Moore’s graphic novel was to his genre. But I’m doubting it daily.

A fetishist's wet dream personified.

Photos courtesy of, well, goddam near everywhere online.

Rhona Mitra. She's Awful Purty, Ain't She?

Len Wiseman and Danny McBride’s semi-gothic, all supernatural tale of a seemingly neverending war between vampire and lycan continues it’s death-dealing march across the silverscreen in the third installment. And an interesting installment this third tale is.

McBride is back at the helm as writer, along with Patrick Tatopoulos manning the director’s chair. Familiar faces all around, with the inimitable Bill Nighy as Viktor, Michael Sheen as Lucian and, thankfully, Kevin Grevioux back for business as Raze. Taking a formidable place alongside Viktor (and Lucian) is Rhona Mitra as Sonja.

In an age of prequels, it’s something the audience has almost come to expect of the franchise film. At some point, it seems, every franchise film must go back to its own roots and explore the reasons behind its own arc. So McBride has taken us back to as close to the beginning as need be in order to show us why Lucian betrayed his so-called benefactors in order to become the leader of the lycans that we’ve come to know from two previous films. It’s an intricate tale, and not at all unfamiliar.

Forbidden love is the theme here, and one has to credit McBride (and Wiseman) for rooting the supernatural tale in something so human that virtually any moviegoer (with a strong stomach for blood) can appreciate and, perhaps even relate to. Those familiar with the previous films already know that Lucian bore a hefty burden for centuries after the death of Viktor’s own daughter, the aforementioned Sonja. Glimpses had been given as to why, and this third installment opens the door and sheds light on this burden.

Slaves, the lycans were chained, forced to labor at night and guard the vampires during the day. Fiercely loyal, Lucian was more than simply a slave. He believed in honor, thoughtfulness and, above all, rising above the animal kept at bay within him. The feral werewolves (sired, of course, by William Corvinus, Markus’s brother, son of Alexander Corvinus) had already begun to present a problem for the vampires. In an early scene, Lucian dispatches several of William’s pack. When asked if he felt anything when killing them, he replied he did not, for they were merely animals, incapable of thought and feeling. Lucian was, though chained and kept like an animal himself, on the rise within the ranks. Even Viktor himself confessed to having a tendency to favor him (to the point that certain counsel members referred to Lucian as ‘Viktor’s Pet’).

But things go amiss as forbidden love (as it always seems to) is eventually outed.

I won’t spoil the rest for you. Suffice it to say that the end result of the truth being revealed is bad for everyone concerned.

There were more than a few issues with both the direction and the visual effects of Underworld: Rise of the Lycans.

Tatopoulos’s direction was at times vague, other times dragging.  There was a lack of confidence with a film needing a heavy hand. When one’s effects department is slinging blood across the screen like water to a fire, a deft hand is needed to make certain that the pacing remains consistent. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case. The action would rev to a fever pitch, then stall in the middle, leaving the viewer to feel a lack of satisfaction to an otherwise brutal bit of battling. There were moments where Tatopoulos would find his rhythm, but these moments were the exception, rather than the rule. It’s forgivable, especially noting his lack of directorial experience. Peter Martin of Cinematical notes that the direction was, “just fine for his first time in the feature director’s chair.” However, the viewer may leave the theater wishing that a more seasoned director had done the job.

Tatopoulos shined, however, during the quieter moments. He brought with him the sensibility to understand his actors, to step out of their way when needed and let them do what they do best. After all, when one has Bill Nighy, direction is not of the utmost importance (although Richard Corliss of Time Magazine chooses to downgrade Nighy’s zealous chops to mere overacting. To each his own, but at least Corliss got one thing right: you will savor Nighy’s presence.). What is important is to give the man his lines and let him work. Nighy’s portrayal of Viktor has not ceased to impress since the moment he stepped into the role. ‘The devil you know,’ Viktor says to a human noble as he holds him feet off the ground, and the viewer gets the sense that it would perhaps have to be Satan himself to wield a more forceful and fearful presence.

And then, of course, there’s Michael Sheen.

Sheen’s Lucian is as much a force to be reckoned with as Viktor, and Sheen stepped back into the role as though he’d never been out of character once. For me, this was a good percentage of the film’s fun. Sheen is (like Nighy) able to convey a bevy of emotions with no more than his face. Once again, Tatopoulos knew his actor, and kept the camera trained on Sheen’s face for much of his screen time. And whatever Sheen was paid for this film, it was worth it. The range of emotion he had to convey throughout the 92 minutes was impressive. And, again, fun. Sheen’s presence onscreen is palpable. It would be difficult to find an actor better able to hold his own alongside the likes of Nighy.

As noted previously, Kevin Grevioux is back as Raze. I thoroughly enjoyed his character in the first film, and was quite glad to see him back. Grevioux is one big fellow, but he is more than the sum of his bulk. There’s a strange vulnerability to him that he keeps in check. He reveals it only long enough to remain very likable. Then he puts it away in order to kick ass. And kick ass he does. His backstory was interesting and relevant to the mythology, and his immediate connection to Lucian explained quite a lot. Let’s face it: if anyone besides Lucian deserves immortality as a lycan, it’s Raze.

When I had first read that Rhona Mitra would play Sonja, I had my misgivings. Especially after that disaster Doomsday. But apart from her obviously striking looks, Mitra was in excellent form as Viktor’s daughter. She was hard as nails one moment, soft and caring the next. It did not feel forced nor contrived. Indeed, the chemistry between Mitra and Sheen was comfortable; even moving at times. The two managed to make the viewer want to root for them, though the inevitable end was going to happen.

The visual effects were not up to par with the film’s story or the acting. More than several times I found myself having to dismiss entire scenes; excusing the poor effects because the story was fun and the acting good. One of the draws for me for the first (and second) film was the unique way the werewolves looked. This look found its way into the film, but the visual effects left me wanting. I could vividly remember scenes from the first film. Transformations that, though perhaps not jaw-dropping, were at least impressive. Not so much with this third film. Both the feral werewolves and the human-based lycans looked, at times, damn near cheesy, (human based Lycans both during and after transformation). A shame, too, as these human animals were on screen quite a bit. However, this was, again, forgivable, as the story brought the filmmaking above itself, resulting in, for myself at least, a very entertaining film.

Last but certainly not least, McBride managed to slip in some excellent writing. There was a humor element to the film that broke the tension in several places. So much so that there was laughter in the theater. Try to find that with your average vampire or werewolf film. And Tatopoulos deserves credit as well, for pacing these elements in such a way as to give the viewer almost a sense of relief at being able to laugh at something amid the gore and heavy themes.

All in all, I’d have to say that Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is worth the exhorbitant ticket price. I’d gladly see it again. And, furthermore, I’m excited to go back and watch the first film, knowing what I know now. I often am annoyed by prequels, as part of the fun of any story is being able to imagine for one’s self the beginnings. But McBride and crew hit the mark with this one, giving the viewer just enough backstory to add to (not take away from—Lucas, I’m looking at you) an already fun, imaginative franchise.

Here’s a new poster from the upcoming G.I. Joe (Rise of the Airbrushed Ass) film (see below the cut):

God knows, she could at least distract the enemy. So much for women's lib, eh?

Early reports say that the film will be a more ‘stylized telling of the storyline based from the action figures.’ And by ‘stylized’, we assume they mean ‘tighter asses *, CGI-enhanced abs, loads of innuendo, lots of skin-tight suits that give the ability to move around better, despite the obvious riding up the fanny that rubber and neoprene provides.’ Kids will be, ‘more satisfied by the obvious pandering to their baser elements’ and men and women, as adults, ‘will probably feel like going home and surfing porn after the film.’ This is, according to the filmmakers, ‘far more important than paying any real homage to any sort of “real, American heroes.”’ **

* And, no argument here, it is a nice ass
**I’m totally making this shit up. But do I think it’s probably close to true? Magic Eightball?
“Signs point to yes.”
Thanks, Magic Eightball.

Let's put a smile on that Oscar

Last night at the SAG Awards, Heath Ledger was awarded the SAG Award for Outstanding Supporting Actor. He’s also favored to win the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor as well. We all saw this coming. The buzz was circulating online even before The Dark Knight opened in July. But is all the buzz really worthy? The bitter pill to swallow is that if it weren’t for the fact that he died before The Dark Knight was released, Heath Ledger would not be nominated for this award.

Now, before you flame me in the comments understand that I am not saying that Ledger doesn’t deserve the award. On the contrary, I think he definitely at least deserves to be nominated. He turned Nicholson’s Joker and flipped him on his head. His portrayal of the Joker was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Rarely do the talents of an actor stand out as much as they did with Ledger. That being said, The Dark Knight was a comic book action blockbuster. These films, and their actors, are never, ever taken seriously for a major Academy Award nomination, much less a win. There is one reason that Ledger is nominated and one reason alone why he’ll win. He’s dead. As sad as that is to say, that’s the way it is. Were he alive, he wouldn’t be nominated for this role. Again, I’m not saying he wouldn’t deserve to be nominated, just that the Academy wouldn’t be recognizing his great portrayal were it not for his passing.

I, like everyone else, hopes he wins and I’m a little upset at the blatant snub that The Dark Knight received. Sure it was a blockbuster but it was more than that. It was a landmark film. The first feature film to be shot using IMAX technology, some of the best acting I’ve seen in a film from an entire cast (minus that Maggie chick), and a fantastic script that engaged the viewers emotionally and didn’t simply rely on cheap special effects for a thrill.

The fact that The Dark Knight was snubbed in so many categories is simply proof that the Academy doesn’t take these films seriously and that they’re only considering Ledger for the award because of his death. The Academy should be ashamed.

The “death” of Bruce Wayne as Batman had my wheels spinning and gave me some inspiration for one of the latest strips of my webcomic, I’m Not Bob.  Carey asked me if I’d like to post the strip on Hey Media and I jumped at the chance (shameless self promotion…call me a sell out).  So, in honor of Batman, I present to you the I’m Not Bob strip from last Wednesday titled, Batman was a Sick Bastard.

Click to enlarge and shit

I plan on contributing these to Hey Media every once in a while.  If you like the strip, check out my main site, http://imnotbobcomic.blogspot.com and tell all your friends!  I update on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.